6/19/13

Vintage Men's Mags #39: More Girlie Magazines



Does anyone even buy these things anymore? The digital avenues to see naked ladies have completely outmoded the girly magazine.  For decades these time-honored publications were the whipping posts of religious and conservative groups..... now what can they say?  The Internet is such a massive "cesspool", how could you even begin to protest its content?

Read through old newspapers, and you'll find over and over again various religious and political groups taking a stand against the plague of dirty magazines.  The government issued reports of the worst offenders in graphic detail (and this volume could actually be found in your local library, much to the delight of many a young lad). Churches would burn them, picket the "smut peddlers" and up-and-coming politicians could always count on the "anti-porn" platform to win votes in the Heartland.


Now, the protests are gone.... and so are the magazines.  The Digital Age has made them as anachronistic as a 5-1/4" floppy disk.  But not here on Retrospace - we're using the same knife that killed them to keep their memory alive.  Enjoy.


How can you tell this a magazine made in the U.K.?  A cover story entitled "Naughty Snaps with her Bosom Chums" is a slight giveaway.... that and the Union Jack.


Girls in Orbit may be the coolest of the men's magazines.  It captures that "space age bachelor pad" vibe of the Atomic Age.  If only all of them could be this groovy.


That's sign language for "I'm being held hostage."  The question is, did any readers understand her plea for help?


Many of you youngsters may not realize that the Middle East wasn't such a hotbed of fundamentalism in the sixties.  It wasn't until the seventies, that these countries started going apeshit.  Iran was a top tourist destination for chrissakes!


Here's a couple covers where they try to make it look like the girl is emerging from the page.  You be the judge as to whether they succeeded.



Ummm.  I don't know if I want to see photographs of "when Patton paused for relief".  George S. Patton getting relieved is not my idea of erotica.


Woops! My dress seems to have blown up by a bizarre wind somehow generated by this fire hydrant.  And is that George Lindsey in the background? He looks annoyed rather than aroused by the situation.



She's like "Huh s-wha?" and he's like "Ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-titties" and then she's like "Who? Me? and then he's like "Ba-ba-ba-ba-boobies" and then she's like ....


Why is she so mad at the fruit? Did the giant grapes say something inappropriate?


I can think of a lot of ways to rip-off "Deep Throat", and "Deep Knee" wouldn't be in my top twenty.

I'm picturing the Chauvinist Pig Quiz to look something like this:
"Are you reading this magazine? If "yes", congratulations: your'e a chauvinist pig." End of quiz.


Bad hair day? Oh, wait.  That's some sort of  tragic head-wear. Not one of her better wardrobe decisions.


"I reeeeeallly have to use the restroom.  Hurry up and take the damn picture before my bladder explodes."

Before we go, I want to mention something I find particularly cool about these old girly magazines: The Fonts. There's a certain art to lettering; a certain enjoyment to be had just by how artfully words were put to page.  And what better source than the seemingly infinite array of girly magazines?  For all the varieties of adult publications (and there were thousands), each had its own style. So, I've gathered together a handful of titles along with a thumbnail of the corresponding covers.





































16 comments:

  1. It takes some serious looking, but you'd be surprised by the high quality of writing that sometimes went into magazines like these. Stephen King got his start writing fiction for mags like "Gent", "Gallery" and the like. So did Robert B. Parker (he wrote the "Spenser" and "Jesse Stone" novels).

    ReplyDelete
  2. Those are some amazing logotypes. Score, Affair, French Frills, Legs Boobs Lingerie, Pussycat, and Yes are the standouts. Especially Yes, which looks like a laundry detergent logo.

    Then there's Road & Crack, a name that means something totally different these days.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Road and Crack! What?!?!

    I love old fonts too, I'm just a sucker for almost anything with that stuff, appliances, advertising, magazines, whatever.

    Girls in Orbit looks super cool and I've never heard of it!

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousJune 20, 2013

    317 boobs? Humm

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousJune 20, 2013

    Actually the protests aren't gone, and Republican politicians still see fighting porn as a high national priority. During the 2012 campaign Mitt Romney vowed to make it mandatory for all new computers sold in the U.S. to have porn filtering software installed. Rick Santorum said "America is suffering a pandemic of harm from pornography", and also stated "The Obama administration has turned a blind eye to those who wish to preserve our culture from the scourge of pornography and has refused to enforce obscenity laws".

    Wherever there is a dead horse to be beaten, you will find a Republican politician gleefully stomping on the corpse. Those people have about as much in common with mainstream 21st century America as the Taliban do.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Really anonymous?? Link please to any of your statements re Romney or Santorum

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What? You are asking someone named "anonymous" to actually backup their "argument" ??

      As everyone knows that was made illegal by the Department of Redundancy Department. While accusations are allowed as long as they are against specific political philosophies. I believe it was the Rachel Maddow act of 2010. But you will have to take my word for that.

      Delete
    2. AnonymousJune 21, 2013

      On Romney:

      http://techcrunch.com/2012/07/24/could-romney-really-ban-porn/

      http://www.forbes.com/sites/susannahbreslin/2012/09/13/mitt-romney-porn/

      http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865562332/Prosecute-pornography-Why-Mitt-Romney-and-President-Obama-cant-agree.html?pg=all

      On Santorum:

      http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election-2012/rick-santorum-declares-war-pornography-ban-hardcore-porn-elected-president-article-1.1040728

      http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/OTUS/rick-santorum-social-issues-contraception-abortion-church-state/story?id=15931995#.UcSibNhrZbw

      http://www.forbes.com/sites/susannahbreslin/2012/03/19/santorum-war-porn/

      I could go on, but all you need to do is Google "Mitt Romney on porn" or "Rick Santorum on porn" to see all of the stories.

      It is frightening that there are still people out there who want to have this fight, and that others are willing to support them without even being aware of their positions.

      Delete
    3. Thank you for taking the time to provide the references. These aren't simply "accusations" Lacey, they are fact. I thought everyone knew these squeaky-clean religious-appearing goodie-two-shoes-image guys have always been against nudity on the web. Stop burying your heads in the sand folks. Get informed. Read and learn about the positions these guys present.

      Delete
    4. Yes, because you should always unquestioningly believe everything the media reports as complete unaltered fact with absolutely no slant or underlying agenda. ;)

      Delete
  7. Stannous FlourideJune 21, 2013

    I swear I've seen most of these under Al Bundy's arm at one time or another.

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousJune 24, 2013

    Blonde Jewish (?) girl on mag #4 is too cute. Name, ID?

    ReplyDelete
  9. You know, if you're going to publish a mag, you have to be CLEAR what all your magazine is about. I mean, with a title like "Legs Boobs Lingerie," WHO KNOWS what you're going to get.....

    ReplyDelete
  10. And the fight against porn is just a fake fight designed to whip of a frenzy by people who are desperate for followers. Porn is not a majority of the content of the internet. It might have been at the start, just like porn was with VHS videos. But not anymore. Now a days, with flicker, youtube, facebook, twitter, blogs etc, porn is a tiny minority. Just 4% or so. So its not any issue any more. But the puritans want to have something to rail against so will bandy about made up figures that make it sound like porn is a major problem. Whenever you see stats from any campaigning group be suspicious, very suspicious, as they are always without fail, made up and twisted.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-23030090
    http://www.ministryoftruth.me.uk/2013/06/24/how-big-is-online-porn/

    ReplyDelete
  11. Playing Pictures of Lily by The Who now - woo woo woo woo woo! First coming out of wanking in pop music culture. Now a commonplace in Two and half men, The Big Bang Theory, etc.

    ReplyDelete